Last week, we addressed the biblical goal in parenting. Our goal should be to raise children who fear the Lord so that they become wise. A key to developing wise children who fear the Lord is intention. Far too many parents raise their children with a reactionary philosophy rather than an intentional one. They have no goal, and so they have no plan. As a result, they simply end up reacting to everything that happens in their children’s lives. No wonder the children see their parents as hypocritical. No plan, only reaction, leads to emotional and inconsistent decisions.

We must intentionally disciple our children towards what we want them to learn. The reality is that someone is discipling your children. Either you are doing it intentionally towards God, or the world is discipling them towards futility. This is why God commanded the parents in Israel to intentionally instruct their children in His Word (Deuteronomy 6:1-2). If we want wise children, we must intentionally ground them in God’s Word, or the world will ground them in foolishness.

Another way that we describe the fear of the Lord is through the word “Christlike.” So it is correct to say that the goal of Christian discipleship (and therefore the goal of parenting) is Christlikeness. What does Christlikeness look like, and how do we get there? Galatians 5:16-24 reveals that this looks like the fruit of the Spirit. Ephesians 4:20-24 reveals that this is accomplished by putting off the old man, being renewed in our minds, and putting on the new man in the image of Christ.

Biblical parenting begins by teaching our children to put off the old man. This means that we must teach them the Gospel regularly. They cannot put off the old man while enslaved to him. A Christian parent’s prayer should be that their children understand and accept the Gospel. We cannot assume that they know it. We cannot assume that they believe it.

The Gospel is the good news of Christ. But the good news must begin with bad news. Christian parents must understand and accept that their child is born in sin and headed towards God’s wrath. They are not basically good. They are sinful. While rules and discipline can modify sinful behavior, they cannot change it. Only the Gospel corrects the problem. So good Christian parents must teach their children that they are sinful.

However, the Gospel is the good news that Christ took the punishment for their sin on the cross. They must give their lives to God, and He will give them Christ’s righteousness so that they go from being depraved to being righteous (Romans 10:9; 2 Corinthians 5:21). Going to church does not correct their sin problem. Only the Gospel can do it.

Let me finish this section with a caution. Children who grow up in church can be pressured to pray a “salvation prayer” so they fit in or to please their parents. We should guard against this. Ensure they understand the Gospel before affirming their acceptance of it. I did this by making them share the Gospel with me. You may have a better way to guard against this with your children. Whatever method you take, ensure they understand the Gospel.

We cannot raise children to fear the Lord if they don’t know the Lord. The first step, then, must be to present the Gospel to them regularly so that they accept it. Yet, the job does not stop when they accept the Gospel. We must continue to present the Gospel to them as we disciple them. Mark 8:34 reveals that to be Jesus’ disciple, we must deny ourselves, take up our cross daily, and follow Him. This means that as we disciple our children after salvation, we are reminding them that they also must take up the cross daily and die to self.

The Gospel means that we give our lives to Christ and follow Him because He died for us. So, in our regular conversations throughout our children’s lives, we must remind them of the gospel. We don’t act like the world because Christ died for us. We don’t speak like the world because Christ died for us. We live in a way that is very distinct from the world because Christ died for us. In short, we put off the old man (we say no to sin and wrong) because Christ died for us.