As we seek to help our children make godly friends, it is important that we understand how to develop friendships. Before we look at the pattern found between David and Jonathan in 1 Samuel 18, I think it is important to address a trend that eliminates the possibility of developing these friendships. Among some Christian parents, there is a justifiable fear of this world’s influence on their children. As a result, they isolate their children by never exposing them to others outside of their family. Yet, when your children don’t get to know anyone outside of the family, they cannot learn to make these kinds of godly friendships. In John 17:15, Christ asks the Father not to remove us from the world, but to keep us from the evil one. This is a good pattern for biblical parenting. We should insulate our children, not isolate them.
When we examine the friendship between David and Jonathan in 1 Samuel 18, we discover several steps to building a godly friend once we have met them. In verse 1, we note that there was an attitude of acceptance between the two men. The souls of Jonathan and David were knit together. While they should have been rivals, they instead accepted one another. This is the same spirit we ought to have as believers for one another (John 13:34, Romans 15:7).
Second, these men were mutually attracted to one another. Verse 1 also informs us that Jonathan loved David as his own soul. This was not a sexual attraction, but rather something much deeper. The commonality between the two men led them to genuinely like one another. When your child begins to speak of another child (that is a godly child), you should begin to encourage that friendship by giving them opportunities to spend time with one another.
Third, they were committed to one another. Verse 3 speaks of a covenant that they made with one another. This was a genuine expression of friendship. As the friendship develops, it is helpful to begin to encourage your child to speak of that individual as their friend. You should encourage faithfulness to that friend. Proverbs 17:17 informs us that friends love at all times. Help your children learn how to serve their friends. Do not allow your child to make their friendships all about themselves.
Fourth, biblical friendships involve genuine openness. In verse 4, we see that Jonathan put his royal robes on David. This was not simply a gift, but a statement that Jonathan supported David’s ascension to the throne. There was an openness between them about their goals and lives. Many today stay very guarded. They never open themselves up to anyone. This is a sad state. I cannot begin to express how thankful I am for my friends I grew up with who were willing to say hard things to me, bear my burdens, and share my joys.
Finally, as the friendship develops, there should be an appreciative enjoyment. Verse 5 informs us that David was successful in all that he did. The prior verses imply that Jonathan had a direct hand in this and enjoyed his successes. As these godly friendships develop. Begin to speak to and with your children about how thankful you are for them. Point out the ways that they have bettered your children’s lives. And, as the friend seeks success, go with your child to cheer them on. Go to their games, concerts, events, and parties. Have your child engage in activities with them. Teach your children that these friends are a gift from God.
Through these steps, your children can develop lifelong friendships that will benefit them and help them grow in their walk with God. In that same way, you also can develop these kinds of friendships. Don’t isolate yourself and your family. Be a friend and make a friend.